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SPEAKING
TOGETHER IN LOVE
by
Karen & Ron Flowers
Directors, Department of Family
Ministries, General Conference
2001
| Theme:
Communicating in potential conflict situations without shaming
others. |
| Target
Audience: Multigenerational activity for the entire
church. The following may provide program ideas for Sabbath
School, AY meeting, prayer meeting, Friday evening service or
a special event for Sabbath afternoon. The format is built around
four pairs of brief dramatizations which depict contrasting
styles in communication. Discussion after each mini-drama is
designed to highlight ways in which improvements can be made
so as to protect the worth and dignity of persons. Situations
may need to be adapted to the cultural setting. |
Cast:
Leader (introduces scenes and leads discussions)
Actors:
Scene 1—Jon, age 7; Mother
Scene 2—Dad; Carol, age 12
Scene 3—Dad; Mom; Bryan, age 17
Scene 4—Church Member; Mrs. Smith; Suzie, age 5
Note:
Actors should be chosen in advance so they can familiarize
themselves with the vignettes. However, great polish is not
necessary to stimulate good discussion.
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| Props:
Simple stage props may be readied beforehand as available. |
Presentation
Helps:
Leader: Someone has observed that we say things to each
other at home and at church that we would not say to our enemies,
much less to our friends. It's not that we don't love each other,
it's just that we often don't think about the effect of what
we say on the other person.
All of us have a deep need to feel valued and
respected. People who are affirmed and treated with respect
by those they love are happier, better able to cope with life's
problems, and better able to relate to others. People who are
shamed in their families and by others close to them often struggle
in their relationships and tend to treat others in the same
hurtful ways they have experienced.
These mini-dramas will draw back the curtain
on a few familiar situations. |
SCENE
1
(Seven-year-old
Jon is seated at the supper table with the family.)
| Jon: |
"Mom,
may I have another glass of juice?" |
| Mother: |
"Say
'please'!" |
| Jon: |
"Please!" |
(Mother passes the drink. Jon pours a glass full, then knocks
it over as he tries to make room
to put the pitcher down.) |
| Mother: |
(Jumping
up and grabbing for a dish towel.) "Jon! I can't believe you've
done this again! You are so clumsy! When will you ever learn
to be careful? I get so tired of cleaning up after you! Now,
eat your supper, and give me your glass. I think I'll need to
pour for you for awhile." |
For Discussion
• How do you think Jon feels?
• How do you think Mother feels, now that it's all over?
• What kind of messages do you think Jon is getting about his
value in the family and as a person?
• What potential is there that these messages will affect him
over his lifetime?
Leader:
Let's try it again, a better way.
SCENE 1A
| Jon: |
"Mom,
may I have another glass of juice?" |
| Mother: |
"Say
'please'!" |
| Jon: |
"Please!" |
| (Mother
passes the drink; Jon spills it as before. Mother reaches for
the dish towel and hands it to Jon.) |
| Mother: |
"Here.
Catch as much as you can. I'll get you a clean plate." |
| (Mom
returns to the table with a clean plate.) |
| Mother: |
(With
understanding in her voice.) "It's so frustrating when
you can't seem to pour a glass of juice without spilling it." |
| Jon: |
(Nods
his head.) |
| Mother: |
"You
must be growing again. Seems like your arm gets places before
you expected it to lately. Don't worry, you'll get used to it." |
For Discussion
• What made this scene an improvement?
• How will Mother's response build Jon's sense of personal
worth and encourage him?
• In what ways might Mother's response help Jon to respond
to his younger brother when something like this happens to him?
SCENE 2
| (Dad
is seated in a chair reading the paper. Twelve-year-old Carol
approaches.) |
| Carol:
|
"Do
you have a minute?" |
| Dad:
|
(From
behind his paper.) "Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?" |
| Carol:
|
"Well,
I'm having some trouble with my math." |
| Dad:
|
(Still
reading.) "Uh-huh. What's the problem?" |
| Carol:
|
"I
can do the math problems all right. My problem is the teacher." |
| Dad:
|
(Still
reading.) "You just do what the teacher says and everything
will be all right. (Dropping paper slightly to make a brief,
but stern, eye contact.) And you better not be disrespectful,
young lady!" |
| Carol:
|
(Turns
on her heel and leaves the room.) "Never mind. You don't understand
anyway." |
For Discussion
• How do you think Carol feels?
• What are the messages her father is sending by his response?
• How is he sending them?
• What is the likelihood her father will ever learn what is
really on her mind?
• How might many experiences like this affect the relationship
between Carol and her father over time?
Leader:
Let's try it again, a better way.
SCENE
2A
| Carol:
|
"Do
you have a minute?" |
| Dad:
|
(Putting
down his paper and motioning for her to sit down beside him.)
"Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?" |
| Carol:
|
"Well,
I'm having some trouble with my math." |
| Dad:
|
(Maintaining
eye contact and showing interest.) "So what's the problem with
your math?" |
| Carol:
|
"I
can do the math problems. My problem is with the teacher." |
| Dad:
|
"You
understand the concepts, but you're concerned about something
between you and Mrs. Jones." |
| Carol:
|
"Yes.
She calls on me all the time in class. She embarrasses me." |
| Dad:
|
"The
way she talks to you makes you feel singled out." |
| Carol:
|
"She
doesn't do it just to me. She does it to everybody. It's like
she enjoys putting us on the spot. She never used to be this
way." |
| Dad:
|
"She's
not herself." |
| Carol:
|
"We
know her husband's in the hospital and all that, but why does
she have to take it out on us?" |
| Dad:
|
"It's
hard to be understanding, even through you have a hunch her
behavior is connected to the stress that she and her family
are under." |
| Carol:
|
"Yeah.
It must be pretty tough. We should probably get together and
make a big card for her husband like we did for Mr. Johnson
when he was sick. Then she'd at least know we care." |
For Discussion
• What makes this scene better?
• What messages is Dad sending Carol this time?
• How would you analyze Dad's responses? What common elements
do they have?
• How do Dad's responses affirm Carol as a person?
• How do they encourage Carol's respect for her father?
SCENE 3
| (Father
and Mother are seated together. Seventeen-year-old Bryan pulls
up a chair.) |
| Bryan: |
"I
don't know how to tell you this, but I won't be going to church
with you tomorrow." |
| Mom:
|
"What
do you mean you're not going to church? Have some of your friends
talked you into this?" |
| Bryan: |
"No,
I made this decision by myself." |
| Dad:
|
"Well,
I don't know what this is all about, but I can tell you this.
As long as I pay the school bills and you put your feet under
our table, we expect you to live as a Seventh-day Adventist,
and that includes going to church on Sabbath. Is that clear?" |
For Discussion
• What messages have Mom and Dad sent Bryan in this exchange?
• What do you think will happen Sabbath morning?
• Is there any way the likely outcome could have been prevented?
• What should Mom and Dad do now?
Leader:
Let's try it again, a better way.
SCENE 3A
| Bryan: |
"Mom
and Dad, I don't know how to tell you this, but I won't be going
to church with you tomorrow." |
| Mom: |
"Something's
happened to make you not want to go to church." |
| Bryan: |
"Not
really anything in particular. I just don't want to go any more.
It's not for me." |
| Dad: |
"Church
just isn't very appealing right now." |
| Bryan: |
"It's
just boring, that's all." |
| Mom: |
"Nothing
much going on to hold your interest." |
| Bryan: |
"Mr.
Jones tries. I just don't like to discuss things in Sabbath
School, okay? I feel guilty if I don't cooperate, but I don't
have anything to say." |
| Mom: |
"You
feel pressured to say something when you don't want to." |
| Bryan: |
"Yeah.
And if I do say something, the other kids laugh." |
| Dad: |
"It's
hard to risk your thoughts when you're afraid you'll be put
down." |
| Bryan: |
"Let's
just say I'm shy." |
For Discussion
• How do you feel about Mom's and Dad's responses this
time?
• Are they really better?
• How do you think Bryan is feeling?
• What do you think will happen Sabbath morning?
• What choices do the parents have?
• What will be the likely outcome of each of these alternatives?
• How do you feel about the way the scene ended?
• What do you predict for the future as far as Bryan's commitment
to the church is concerned?
• What hopeful signs are there?
• What will increase the likelihood that Bryan will keep talking
to his parents?
• How do you think he pictures God?
• How might their acceptance of his feelings and listening
to his opinions open the way for Bryan to want to come to church?
SCENE 4
| (Set
two rows of chairs to simulate pews.) |
| Narrator: |
The
Smith's have had a hectic morning and arrive at church at the
last minute. They are forced to take seats in a pew near the
front and crawl over several members because all the back seats
are taken. Little Susan begins to squirm and talk aloud almost
immediately and has to be taken out. People seated around them
turn and stare, looking very annoyed. A church member meets
Mrs. Smith as she comes through the back door of the church. |
| Member: |
(Annoyed.)
"We do try to keep it quiet and reverent in the sanctuary, Mrs.
Smith." |
| Mrs.
Smith: |
"I'm
sorry. Susan is having a hard morning." |
| Member: |
"Well,
when my children were small, they learned to sit still and be
quiet. Children can be taught, you know." |
| Mrs.
Smith: |
"Yes,
I know. I'm trying, believe me, I'm trying!" |
| Member: |
"Well,
I do hope you can get here earlier next week and sit in the
back where your children will cause less of a commotion. I always
sat in the back when my children were small." |
For Discussion
• How is Mrs. Smith feeling when she has to leave the sanctuary?
• How is she feeling after her exchange with the church member
in the hall?
• What effect will all of this have on Susan?
• What might happen to this family if many of these experiences
occur?
• What may be the reasons the church member reacts as he/she
does?
• In what ways might the church member be of encouragement
to Mrs. Smith?
• In what practical ways might she help?
Note to
Leader: Give your group a chance to rewrite the script this
time. Encourage volunteers to take the parts of Mrs. Smith and the
church member to dramatize some better scenarios. Discuss the improved
responses, remembering to affirm all participants. You may wish
to close by observing that by our communication with each other
at home and at church we either encourage or discourage one another.
"Therefore," as Paul writes, "pursue the things which
make for peace and the things by which one may edify (build up)
another" (Romans 14:19).
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