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MARRIAGE:
A GODLY DESIGN
by
Willie Oliver
Family Ministries Director,
North American Division
1996
| Theme:
God designed marriage to help meet the multiple needs of men
and women in a context of affirmation, safety, and security. |
| Theme
Text: Genesis 1:28; 2:18-24; 1 Corinthians 7:5; Ephesians
5:22-32 |
| Presentation
Notes: Throughout the following outline, numbers in
parentheses (1), (2), (3) will indicate items from the section
called Sermon Illumination which may be used for illustration.
The addition of your personal illustrations will enhance the
presentation. |
Today we celebrate
marriage as a gift of God to His people. While it is true that not
everyone will marry or needs to be married, it is significant to
note that marriage is God's ideal for men and women to help bring
about growth and fulfillment in several areas of their lives.
Whereas many objectives were envisioned by God in the establishment
of the marriage relationship, several should be highlighted as basic.
Recognizing these most foundational objectives will help to give
us a proper perspective as we confront the problems of marriages
and families and as we contemplate the strengths of a well-functioning
home.
Propagating
the Race
One of the objectives of marriage is that of having children to
propagate the human race. God's first command to the couple in Eden
was "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth"
(Genesis 1:28). The wise man Solomon states, "Sons are a heritage
from the Lord, children a reward from Him" (Psalm 127:3).
It was God's plan for men and women united in holy matrimony to
have children. In addition to the obvious reason for having children,
that of continuing the race, God gave human beings the ability to
reproduce so that we might more fully understand His relationship
with us as His children. (1) God also gave in marriage the capacity
to procreate so that men and women would learn to share instead
of thinking only of themselves. (2)
Promoting
Personality Growth and Grace
The marriage relation is not just a medium of God to propagate the
race. God could have multiplied the human race through other means,
as He did the angels. The more immediate purpose is to develop and
mature two different personalities in a relationship of mutual fellowship
and responsibilities. This is not to suggest the fiction of couples
marrying and living "happily ever after." That happens
only in storybook fantasies. The real life marriage of the Bible
doesn't necessarily promise a dream life of perpetual bliss. Rather,
marriage is the joining of two individuals of opposite sexes who
vow to live, love, and work together through rain and shine, sickness
and health, adversity or prosperity. (3)
A man and a woman each come with a unique personality to marriage.
They also have been reared in different families, and though they
may have similarities in culture, education, race, religion and
social class, they often bring to marriage a different set of expectations.
It is when these expectations are not met that conflicts arise and
disenchantment sets in. After the honeymoon, a couple may find that
the gears don't all mesh without squeaking; one zigs when the other
zags, and the anticipated harmony and heaven do not seem to materialize.
This discovery can be traumatic. The feeling may gradually develop
that "we were not really meant from each other, we are incompatible."
(4) This excuse, popular though it may be, is really an avoidance
of reality. Marriage partners are not custom made before marriage.
If a husband and wife think they have no problems or personality
difficulties to work out together, they are in trouble. They have
missed one of the real objectives for marriage, growth and personality
development, which come through struggle. We should recognize that
every individual created by God is a diamond in the rough. Diamonds,
however, need grinding and polishing to develop their beauty. God
instituted marriage as one of the central workshops in which that
grinding and polishing process takes place. The dust and sparks
may have to fly a bit in the workshop, but the two need each other
in the refining process just as the diamond needs the grindstone.
Viewed in this way, marriage becomes a most significant divine arrangement
in which a couple seeks to respond to God's call for personal growth,
to understand the work of grace in relationships, and to learn more
fully the lessons of interdependence upon one another and ultimate
dependence upon Him. Problems and grievances they didn't know they
had are brought to the surface and confronted. In wholesome and
intimate communication, they tactfully help each other to "see
themselves as others see them." (5)
Developing
Intimacy
A third objective in marriage is to develop intimacy (6) and give
expression to the appropriate sexual passions which God has built
into human beings. This objective is related to the previously noted
one of propagating the race, but is certainly not limited to that.
Sexual desires do not automatically subside when child-bearing for
a couple is ended. Paul recognized this fact by exhorting: "Do
not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control"
(1 Corinthians 7:5 ). The apostle saw this as a legitimate and necessary
function of the marriage relation and gave this admonition to married
couples, not as a suggestion, but as an imperative command.
It should be noted further that Paul saw the possession of such
sexual drives as one of the reasons for which God has instituted
the marriage relationship. To prevent an improper expression of
these passions, the apostle commanded that "each man should
have his own wife, and each woman her own husband" (1 Corinthians
7:2). Although this chapter in 1 Corinthians is often thought of
as Paul's great treatise on the greater benefits of being single,
it is here also that he solemnly recommends marriage for many as
an appropriate setting in which a couple might give proper expression
to their God-given sexuality.
As we deal with the matter of intimacy, it is important to understand
that intimacy is not necessarily tantamount to sexual intercourse.
It is especially important to note the differences that often surface
between men and women as they relate to the matter of intimacy.
(7) As married couples consider 1 Corinthians 7, it would be wise
for husband and wife to talk together and reach a mutually satisfying
understanding so that their different sexual expectations do not
become a matter of insurmountable conflict in the marriage.
Representing
Christ's Marriage to the Church
A final objective in marriage is suggested in Paul's counsel to
the Church in Ephesians 5. There Paul gives instructions to husbands
and wives, declaring that the marriage relationship is really a
representation or picture of the union of Christ with His Church.
In several ways Paul relates the marriage of husband and wife to
that of Christ's relationship with His church family (Ephesians
5:22-32). In fact, Paul uses the words of institution of marriage
in Eden to describe this divine-human relationship. The mystery
of two lovers becoming "one flesh" in marriage is fulfilled
in a special way in Christ's marriage to the church.
This cosmic and divine relationship gives marriage a whole new perspective.
It puts marriage on the highest plane imaginable. It declares that
God is specifically using the institution of marriage to portray
that eternal union of Christ the Son of God with His people, the
Church. No event in all the divine calendar is as important as the
coming event in which the Father will consummate the union of His
Son with His "glorious bride" (Ephesians 5:27). Although
human relations are often temporary and unsatisfying, the divine-human
relationship will be permanent and completely fulfilling. The people
that make up that bride are those whom God is seeking today as He
builds His church. They will forever be His closest companions as
He reigns over the universe and institutes the high adventures of
His eternal enterprises and delights.
No wonder then that the high ideals of faithfulness, purity, and
love are strictly enjoined on the marriage relationship. They portray
Christ's relationship with His eternal bride, a relationship of
the highest order. That is why we are to love each other despite
differences, for we dimly portray Christ's love for the Church.
Paul strongly implies that this is one of the principal objectives
in marriage in the divine agenda. Even the objective of propagating
the race is really secondary to the divine portrayal of Christ's
eternal relationship with His people. The real objective of marriage
is to reflect, in a typical way, the love relationship between God
and His people and to implant and perfect that love in human personalities.
"Marriage is God's workshop or garden in which He is growing
and maturing personalities for eternity." This objective should
be recognized by every Christian couple so that the ups and downs
of their marriage experience can be taken in proper stride. The
rose garden they had hoped for in marriage can materialize only
as God is recognized as the Gardener and the pruning and praising
processes are properly appreciated. The fragrance and beauty of
the relationship are brought out by their mutual discipline and
delights in the plan of God.
Conclusion
God's plan is a perfect plan. God created marriage for children
to be born and nurtured in a home where there is love and peace.
God created marriage for husbands and wives to grow in their marriage
relationship and grow as human beings. God made marriage so that
men and women could enjoy the sexual passions that He has given
to them, in a context of intimacy, love, affirmation, and commitment.
God made marriage to help us understand more fully His love for
the Church, His bride.
May this Christian Marriage Day be one of rejoicing, as we recommit
ourselves to permanence and peace in our marriages, endeavoring
to give glory and honor to God for the things He has done and continues
to do for us.
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Sermon
Illumination
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| One
(1): The Influence of Bearing and Rearing Children.
"After the birth of his first son, Enoch reached a higher
experience; he was drawn into a closer relationship with God.
He realized more fully his own obligations and responsibility
as a son of God. And as he saw the child's love for its father,
its simple trust in his protection; as he felt the deep, yearning
tenderness of his own heart for that first-born son, he learned
a precious lesson of the wonderful love of God to men in the
gift of His Son, and the confidence which the children of God
may repose in their heavenly Father" (White, 1952, p. 160).
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| Two
(2): God Planned for Families. "A childless
house is a desolate place. The hearts of the inmates are in
danger of becoming selfish, of cherishing a love for their own
ease, and consulting their own desires and conveniences. They
gather sympathy to themselves, but have little to bestow upon
others" (White, 1952, p. 159). |
Three
(3): The Blending of Two Lives. "The blessing
of God in the home where this union shall exist is as the sunshine
of heaven, because it is the Lord's ordained will that man and
wife should be linked together in holy bonds of union, under
Jesus Christ, with Him to control, and His spirit to guide.
. . .
"God wants the home to be the happiest place on earth,
the very symbol of the home in heaven. Bearing the marriage
responsibilities in the home, linking their interests with Jesus
Christ, leaning upon His arm and His assurance, husband and
wife may share a happiness in this union that angels of God
commend" (White, 1952, p. 102). |
| Four
(4): Alienation in Marriage. "Satan is ever ready to
take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving
upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband
or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have
united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the
marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting
to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love
and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon
of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation
of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will
be permitted" (White, 1952, p. 106). |
| Five
(5): Christ Brings Unity. "If the will of God is fulfilled,
the husband and wife will respect each other and cultivate love
and confidence. Anything that would mar the peace and unity
of the family should be firmly repressed, and kindness and love
should be cherished. He who manifests the spirit of tenderness,
forbearance, and love will find that the same spirit will be
reflected upon him" (White, 1952, p. 120). |
| Six
(6): Intimacy. "Becoming one flesh involves sexual
union: ‘Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived' (Gen.
4:1). In their drive to be joined together, a drive men and
women have felt since the days of Adam and Eve, each couple
reenacts the first love story. The act of sexual intimacy is
the nearest thing to a physical union possible for them; it
represents the closeness the couple can know emotionally and
spiritually as well. Christian married love should be characterized
by warmth, joy, and delight (Prov. 5:18,19)." (Seventh-day
Adventists Believe, p. 298) |
Seven
(7): More on Intimacy. "In that most intimate of friendships
called marriage, the opportunities and demands for a relationship
of depth are pervasive. Intimacy is an art with as many expressions
as there are artists to express it. It is often expressed in
the sharing of thoughts and ideas and feelings. It is expressed
in shared joys and sorrows, in respect for the deepest needs
of the other person, and in the struggle to understand him [or
her]. Intimacy does not suggest a saccharine sentimentalism;
it can be expressed in constructive conflict which is the growing
edge of a relationship. . . .
"Intimacy grows as couples dare to risk greater openness.
As each partner becomes more honest with himself/[herself] and
more aware of his/[her] own faults, and his/[her] own needs
to blame the other for their conflict, the wall between them
begins to come down, block by block. Each of us feels the need
to hide at times, behind a mask of self-sufficiency or self-justification,
particularly when conflict threatens or self-esteem is weak.
Only as each individual relaxes his/[her] mask and becomes more
transparent (openness) can intimacy develop in the relationship"
(Clinebell & Clinebell, 1970, pp. 24,25). |
References
Clinebell, Howard J. & Clinebell, Charlotte H. (1970). The
Intimate Marriage. New York: Harper & Row, Publishers.
White, Ellen G. (1952). The Adventist Home. Nashville, TN:
Southern Publishing Association.
Seventh-day Adventists Believe. (1988). Silver Spring, MD:
Ministerial Association, General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.
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