FOUR REASONS
FOR FAMILY MINISTRIES
I.
FAMILIES ARE IN TROUBLE
The
family is being attacked from within and from without. We must
rush to its aid.
The
Divine ideals for family living are scarcely evident in our time.
Great crises face many families today. In fact, some suggest that
doomsday is near for the family as an institution and that new
forms of communal living will succeed it.
The complexity of society and its increasing problems present
great challenges and bring on enormous stresses. Changes in the
world about us—industrially, technologically, politically
and economically—have brought about significant social changes.
Attitudes toward marriage. Marriage is undergoing change
from a lifelong commitment to a less permanent contractual arrangement
based on personal fulfillment. A modern emphasis on individualism
contributes to the independent attitude of both marriage partners.
The recent elevated status and expanding opportunities of women
in some societies enable them to extricate themselves from marriage
when they do not feel fulfilled. Men are also getting out of marriage
if their expectations are not met.
Role conflicts. Traditional family patterns of the past
provided defined roles for men and women, leaving the marriage
institution more secure though more rigid. Many households now
have two careers and two paychecks. Since wives as well as husbands
work outside the home, roles and responsibilities must of necessity
change. The need for a more flexible role structure is a source
of considerable stress.
Financial pressures. Rising costs of living and the desire
for material possessions have driven many to search for better
wages, take additional jobs, seek more education and overextend
credit.
Sexual revolution. Traditional mores concerning sexuality
have been eroded. Homosexual as well as premarital and extramarital
sexual experiences are common. Within marriage, sex is often thought
of in terms of performance and ability. Its purpose to provide
for marital intimacy is frustrated. Sexual abuse in the family
is on the increase.
Parenting inadequacy. Parents become involved with pressures
and responsibilities that allow little time for meaningful relationships
with their children. Society tends to downgrade the role of parents
and the functions of parenthood. Many parents have difficulty
in successfully combining the demands of the occupation and the
family. This is a common source of parental guilt and anxiety.
Juvenile delinquency. Studies of adolescents reveal an
extensive indifference of youth toward parental values. At every
age and grade level, the children of today show a greater dependency
on peers than did the children of the last decade. Alienation
from parents has resulted in rising rates of runaway children.
Also on the increase among youth are the problems of dropping
out of school, drug abuse, vandalism, violence, and suicide.
Family violence. All family members—husbands, wives,
parents, grandparents and children—are victimized by family
violence. Child abuse has reached epidemic proportions.
Escalating divorce rate. Unresolved marital conflict accompanied
by a softening of divorce laws and better economic conditions
for women have contributed to today's escalating divorce rate.
Such an increase also signals a high degree of marital discord
and unhappiness in those who have not yet made it to the divorce
courts.
Increase in one-parent households. An increasing incidence
of out-of-wedlock births and a rise in the number of marital break-ups
have led to a dramatic rise in the number of one-parent households
and divided parenting situations. The cessation of hostilities
which occurred within marriage, however, generally gives way to
a new set of stresses and burdens for the single parent.
Remarriage and blended families. Many who lose marital
partners soon remarry. When children are present, the result is
a "step" or "blended" family. As families
attempt to cope with the stress of unifying parts of families
that may be very different and that have experienced considerable
pain and loss, the blending process is often painful.
Chain dysfunction. Dysfunctional families tend to produce
dysfunctional families. Relational patterns are taught by the
modeling that occurs in one's childhood home. As a result poorly-relating
families promote negative attitudes, habits and emotions in their
offspring. Such patterns need to be unlearned or modified before
healthy relationships can be established by these individuals
in adult life.
Encroaching
secularism. Many factors affecting unchurched families affect
Christian families. Though connected with the church, Christians
too live in a fallen world. While endeavoring to heed the special
revelation of God regarding family living, they are constantly
bombarded by secular philosophy, ideas and behavior.
In
addition to the crises faced by families in general is this greater
one faced by the Christian family—it appears to have lost
its immunity to secularism.
Secularism,
thought of here as the antithesis of spirituality, is making inroads
in families. Many troubled homes urgently need to have Christianity
made real in their midst. Even those with spiritual strengths
need reinforcement.
If
this catalog of family ills is only partially correct, it is obvious
that something very important to us, a very part of us, is in
trouble. The family is being attacked from within and from without.
We must rush to its aid. We must have a family ministry that will
help families deal with their difficulties.
II.
THE FAMILY NEEDS NURTURE AND INSTRUCTION
The
challenge facing the church is to nurture its members, presenting
biblical concepts of marriage, parenting and family living.
While
the present emergency situation in families may be required to
get us thinking about family needs, we must beware lest our work
be only crisis-oriented. If family ministry is carried on primarily
because of crises, it will have a kind of "stop-gap"
flavor to it—a fire engine approach. Once the fire has died
down we assume we can put away the equipment and get on with business
as usual.
Focus on God's purpose for the family. As mentioned earlier,
a whole body of truth regarding the family has been divinely revealed.
It is of God's design—this idea of family—and He knows
how it functions best. When it is dysfunctional, He knows best
how it may be restored. An important duty of family life ministry
is to focus on God's purpose for the family and promote restoration
and renewal of Christian family life.
Unfold the spiritual dynamics that are at work in families.
Many are attempting to help the family today, but most of
this work is being done by non-religious persons and organizations.
Consequently, the spiritual component is down-played or non-existent.
Humanistic views often govern secular family-life practitioners.
A ministry for families is not well-rounded without the spiritual
emphasis, even as a ministry to the individual which addresses
physical, social, intellectual and emotional dimensions is incomplete
without consideration of his spiritual well-being. The church
not only has the responsibility, but the privilege of unfolding
to families spiritual dynamics that are at work in the family—this
most intimate network of personal relationships.
Present
Scriptural concepts of family living. The challenge of the
church is to present Scriptural concepts of marriage, parenting,
and family living. The Bible theme of the covenant is rich in
meaning for family relationships. Families need understanding
of such principles as mutual submission, unconditional love and
the use of one's spiritual gifts at home. The church is to make
plain Scriptural teaching on handling emotions and conflict and
is to present the family life implications of such Christian doctrines
as forgiveness and reconciliation. These must be shown not to
be old-fashioned and outdated, but real keys to fulfilled and
lasting marriage and family relationships. If the family is to
maintain distinctive Christian characteristics, we in the church
must make an effort to give these gospel truths contemporary expression.
We must help families integrate these gospel principles into day-to-day,
intimate living.
Include
family life in holistic ministry. The church can go even further.
It can include family life as part of a holistic ministry to the
individual.
Holistic
ministry is not a new idea to Seventh-day Adventists. Taking our
cue from the biblical notion that human beings are indivisible
wholes, we have long taught the importance of total health—physically,
mentally and spiritually. In our deepening understanding of human
psychological, emotional and social needs, let us extend our holistic
ministry to include them. Since many of these needs are satisfied
or left wanting by one's family, the church, to truly minister
holistically, must address the issue of the individual in relationship
to his family.
To
provide families with spiritual nurture, instruction and to include
the family as integral to a holistic approach to living are important
tasks of family ministry.
III.
THE FAMILY SYSTEM REQUIRES A PARTICULAR KIND OF MINISTRY
Effective
discipling of the individual takes place in a primary way within
the context of his family. Special forms of ministry by the church
can enhance this process.
The
poetic thought of John Donne, "No man is an island, entire
unto himself," is never more true than when we look at the
individual in relationship to other members of his family. He
is affected to some degree by all that transpires there. In subtle,
yet very real ways, members of a family are linked. Together,
they form what family social scientists call a "system."
These linkages or ties provide a much-needed structure of support
for the individual.
Setting for primary relationships. Primary relationships,
in which family members are more intimate and self-disclosing,
develop within this system. Such primary relationships, in contrast
to secondary relationships (less intimate, more task-oriented)
known elsewhere, foster healthy physical, emotional, social and
spiritual growth. Those individuals who have experienced well-functioning
primary relationships at home are equipped to relate more meaningfully,
to communicate more openly, and handle conflict more effectively
than those who have not. The Christian's relationship with God,
to be healthy, must be of a primary nature also. Successful primary
relationships which form in the family prepare the way for the
development of each member's relationship with God. The intimacy
of the family thus affords an exceptional climate for Christian
nurture and discipleship.
Through its family ministry, a church aims to encourage this primary
relationship-building and to reinforce this unique support group
for the individual—his family. The object is to assist in
the release of the family's potential as a supportive network
and, as a result, benefit the individual family member, the family,
the church and society.
Ministry
to families as wholes. Efforts must be made then to minister
not only to individuals and to various age groups within the church,
but to the family as a whole. What can be done to strengthen the
ties that bind families together? What will help to improve the
family's interaction and relationship-building? Of necessity,
family ministry will take on alternative formats and structures
from those used in ministry to the individual. Such programs will
have the family unit as a target audience.
Ministry
to marrieds. Marrieds need special nurture and care. The health
of the whole family depends heavily on the health of the marriage
relationship. Each couple is constantly faced with challenges,
even assaults upon their oneness, their coupleness. Perpetually
they must renew their covenant with each other, stay in tune with
each other and grow together. Anything, therefore, that can be
done to enable a couple to remain intact and growing in their
relationship has a positive effect on family health and well-being.
Encouraging couples to fellowship, socialize and participate in
enrichment programs with other couples is essential in maintaining
their spiritual, psychological and emotional well-being.
Families
need other families. Whole families are also encouraged, enriched
and renewed by fellowship and interaction with other families.
A sense of companionship and belonging, a sense of family worth
and purpose are brought about as families minister to each other.
The family draws strength from realizing it is not alone in the
issues it faces. It develops, grows and flourishes in the midst
of other nurturing, caring families, just as the lone individual
does in the presence of his nurturing and caring personal family.
Family
ministry recognizes the unique needs of the family as a system
and seeks to provide the positive interaction and support family
units require.
IV.
FAMILY MINISTRY IS TANGIBLE EVIDENCE OF A CARING CHURCH
The
church that works personally with its members, touching individuals
where they live and helping them to find more fulfilled lives
as singles or marrieds, as parents or children, is a church that
creates strong bonds that are not easily broken.
A
focus on family life can assist in revitalizing the church, helping
it to maintain its vitality and to grow. The presence of the Spirit
of Christ in the church leads us inevitably to care about people.
We cannot become deeply involved with people without caring for
their families. "The Saviour," we are told, "mingled
with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy
for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence.
Then He bade them, 'Follow me'." E. G. White, "The
Ministry of Healing", p. 143.
People
are interested in coming to and staying with a church that is
concerned about and provides help with the basic issues of life.
The church that works personally with its members, touching individuals
where they live and helping them to find more fulfilled lives
as singles, marrieds, parents and children, is a church that creates
strong bonds that are not easily broken.
The practical implications for church life and growth are obvious.
As the church reaches out to strengthen its elemental components—individuals
and families—it is itself strengthened. The back door, which
has witnessed the departure of many a church member who felt nobody
cared, will not swing so widely. The front door, through which
hopeful individuals enter in eager anticipation of finding someone
who really cares, will become wider and more attractive.
